Tell us and we place your joke with your name on WorkJoke.com. Next, check out the funniest Reader’s Digest jokes of all time. “John,” said the teen who was on trial. Funny Lawyer Quotes “I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.” —Stephen Wright “The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.” —William Shakespeare King Henry VI Part 2. How many lawyers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? stories of the world’s dumbest criminals. “Yes, from a block away,” the officer answered. See more ideas about Lawyer jokes, Legal humor, Lawyer. Funny Lawyer Jokes. It prevents people being charged twice for essentially the same service. Or, something along those lines. Read the best lawyer jokes and much more related to law on Jokerz. “Then how could you identify the defendant?” I asked, concerned. Q: Where can you find a good lawyer? Did you hear about the lawyer who sued the funeral company over the coffin? Quinn, I have reviewed this case very carefully,” the divorce court. Funny Jokes; Corny Jokes; Dirty Jokes; Lawyer Jokes; Long Jokes; Naughty Jokes; Hilarious Dirty Lawyer Joke Of The Day: Certain Things In Life. “I see you are a teacher,” he said. What’s the difference between a bad lawyer and a good lawyer? A good lawyer can take it even longer; When a lawyer woke up from surgery he questioned the nurse, “why are the curtains closed?” A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him. Early one winters morn a lawyer walks out to his front lawn and experiences the dew process. Funny Clean Joke – 25. A good lawyer knows the law. Quick, Funny Jokes! 73.4% (10 votes) Q:What's the difference between a Lawyer and a mosquito? This is weird, I thought—until I noticed that it was directly in front of the College of Law building. Share with us. If you’re interested in becoming a lawyer, you’ll need a degree. Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? Law suits. “I wasn’t even a judge then.”, “No, you weren’t the judge,” the defendant countered, smiling mischievously. The lawyer was having difficulty reading the small print on some legal docs, so his doctor prescribed some contract lenses. Home. We recommend our users to update the browser. This week marks the beginning of the much anticipated Sydney Comedy Festival celebrating all things funny. I’ll try to send her a few bucks myself.”. Q: What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common? your own Pins on Pinterest Did I know the victim or the defendant? “The lawyers sit at these tables. The court clerk sits over there. 0. ... What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo? Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? I had an attorney write my living trust,” she responded. Read the best lawyer jokes and much more related to law on Jokerz. This fledgling attorney worked hard on his initial pleading, which should have read “Attorney at Law” at the top of the first page. Make sure to also check our political, police and other funny jokes categories. What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A: You would have to ask her. Why did god make rats before making lawyers? In honour of this event, Folklaw felt duty bound to provide some comedic relief of its own. Speaking of which, this is a list of the funniest lawyer jokes ever. That set off the malcontent: “Just how long have you been serving jury duty?”. Memorize these funny jokes for National Tell a Joke Day! Add Comments Comment and share this joke on Facebook or Twitter. Q: Why won’t sharks attack lawyers? See more ideas about lawyer jokes, legal humor, lawyer humor. A: Lawyer's don't think they're funny, and no one else thinks they're jokes. As a potential juror in an assault-and-battery case, I was sitting in a courtroom, answering questions from both sides. Lawyer Joke 55 A judge in a small city was hearing a drunk-driving case and the defendant, who had both a record and a reputation for driving under the influence, demanded a jury trial. The Best "Out Of Office" E-Mail Auto-Replies; Chuck Norris Facts; Name of Race Horse; Bookmark. Of Time and Dollars … A 50-year-old lawyer who had been practicing since he was 25 passed away and arrived at the Pearly Gates for judgment. The Great Barrister reef. 1. “Mr. Why is it illegal for lawyers to sleep with their clients? Check out 100+ funny work cartoons to get you through the week! © 2021 Reader’s Digest Magazines Ltd. - All rights reserved, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), This site uses “cookies” for the purposes set out in our Privacy Policy. As a judge, I was sentencing criminal defendants when I saw a vaguely familiar face. Cut the rope. Did you know that lawyer jokes are so old they can be found in the works of Shakespeare? Follow us on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and now Pinterest too! The judge listened attentively while I gave him a long, plausible explanation. Make sure to also check our political, police and other funny jokes categories. A: Lipstick Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer? The importance of proofreading the results of my dictation was highlighted one day when a reminder to a client’s tenant to pay her rent or suffer eviction was transcribed as follows: “You are hereby notified that if payment is not received within five business days, I will have no choice but to commence execution proceedings.”. “I’m the one who stole the truck.”. Here are some completely innocuous yet hilarious lawyer jokes for a good laugh! Here are some splendid examples, taken from stenographer’s transcripts of real court cases. More jokes about: food, insulting, lawyer, stupid, Yo mama. One to shake it. What's wrong with Lawyer jokes? A: Their lips are moving. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, lawyer. Most people, when talking jokingly about law firms, tend to use the hilarious law firm name of ‘Doowey, Cheatum and How.’ Well, we now have … Judge: Is that all? To help someone after they commit a crime means you are their attorney. Jun 13, 2013 - Explore Greg Laux's board "Funny Lawyer Jokes" on Pinterest. Jun 13, 2013 - Explore Greg Laux's board "Funny Lawyer Jokes" on Pinterest. Lawyer Jokes. ... Where can you find a good lawyer? Funny Lawyer Jokes. The author's lawyer defended her rights in the book case. A good lawyer can make it last even longer. When the laughter in the courtroom died down, I was excused from the case. The Best Jokes about Lawyers ... How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? Funny Lawyers Jokes. While prosecuting a robbery case, I conducted an interview with the arresting officer. The lawyer said to St. Peter, “There must be some mistake! What is the difference between a good lawyer and an excellent lawyer? Arrested on a robbery charge, our law firm’s client denied the allegations. "Well, for three reasons. Funny Jokes; Corny Jokes; Dirty Jokes; Lawyer Jokes; Long Jokes; Naughty Jokes; Hilarious Dirty Lawyer Joke Of The Day: Certain Things In Life. He said he’ll use the money to cut out the part of his brain that won’t stop playing ‘It’s a Small World After All. 28. Impress a history buff with these hilarious history jokes. How many lawyer jokes are there, anyway? The attorney tells the accused, “I have some good news and some bad news.”, “The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it.”, “A man won an $8,000 settlement from Disneyland after he got stuck on the It’s a Small World ride. The other is a fish. “Good morning, ladies and gentlemen,” he said. Don’t miss these side-splitting history jokes. Lawyer Jokes and Puns. 27. "Really?" Want to roast the happy couple before you toast them? These work-friendly jokes will still crack you up. CASH PRIZES to the Top 10 Jokes every week! All sorted from the best by our visitors. “Would you say you’re honest?”, “Honest?” replies Peterson. 0. Check out 50 more corny jokes to celebrate National Tell a Joke Day. "There must be some mistake," the lawyer argues. 58. A man sued an airline company after it mislaid his luggage. What is the difference between speed humps and lawyers. Chuck Norris once went to court for a crime, the judge pleaded guilty. Funny Clean Joke – 25. Don’t miss our roundup of the funniest quotes of all time! Justice isn’t just blind—it’s snickering at these real courtroom give-and-takes: Judge (to young witness): Do you know what would happen to you if you told a lie? A: The caterer. Lawyer Jokes << We have over 150 Categories of Jokes on our Main Page! Funny Jokes; Bar Jokes; Corny Jokes; Dirty Jokes; Lawyer Jokes; Long Jokes ; Naughty Jokes; Hilarious Dirty Best Lawyer Joke Of The Day: Getting A Date. Q: What did your sister die of? 4790 . “Have you ever dealt with an attorney?” asked the plaintiff’s lawyer. A lawyer was holding his his briefcase whilst cross examining the witness, eventually he rested his case. What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo? Lawyer Jokes and Puns. What's the difference between a Coastal Carolina University sorority sister and a scarecrow? Q: What is the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull? A: Only three. When my 88-year-old mother was called for jury duty, she had to submit to questioning by the opposing lawyers. A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. Looking at me as if I were nuts, he answered, “I’d recognize my cousin anywhere.”. Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech? I was in juvenile court, prosecuting a teen suspected of burglary, when the judge asked everyone to stand and state his or her name and role for the court reporter. One day I was showing a group of ninth-graders around. One to climb the ladder. Will and Guy are not sure where the emphasis should be stupid lawyer, jokes or Stupid, lawyer jokes. Answers St. Peter, "We added up your time sheets." -- What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer? Please contact us for more information! ). I was once a legal secretary to a young law clerk who passed the bar exam on his third try. Apparently, I’ve been told laughing at yourself is great for the soul. “I want to see Valerie,” the man replied. See more ideas about Lawyer jokes, Legal humor, Lawyer. When a lawyer speaks for a long time, there is usually an extended sentence. There was a loser who couldn’t get a date. A: His lips are moving Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion? I was a brand-new attorney in practice alone, and I had a likewise inexperienced secretary fresh out of high school. Lawyer Joke – 8. Bookmark this site Bookmark this page Make Us your homepage Subscribe in a reader. I reviewed his record and found that the man was a career criminal, except for a five-year period in which there were no convictions. ). The rest are true stories. Joking, haha. Here are 50 bad jokes you can’t help but laugh at! ). “There were only three of us.”. Losing a case. As such, we have compiled a list of ten of the world's best (or worst) lawyer jokes. "No, according to out calculations, you're 82." When asked, "What is a contingent fee?" Here are funny lawyer jokes and puns. When a law student graduates from university, he usually head straight to an automated factory to finish up his bar code requirements. 59. “Yes. Lawyers don't think they're funny, and nobody else thinks they're jokes. They always take things literally. When they land, they screw up everything forever. - Page 3 Short South Carolina Jokes Q. Legally funny! The live ones put up too much of a fight.”. Let’s be honest; lawyers make easy targets when it comes to humor. ", The second fella yells back "no, im an asshole!". Home Funny Jokes Bar Jokes Hilarious Dirty Best Lawyer Joke Of The Day: Getting A Date. As I sat with other prospective jurors listening to a woman drone on about how long the process was taking, a judge and two lawyers passed by, giving me a big hello. Here are more hilarious bar jokes anyone can remember. Where can you find a good lawyer? A young man I know, who recently became law clerk to a prominent New Jersey judge, was asked to prepare a suggested opinion in an important case. Q: What are lawyers good for? Because they arrgh! A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one. A second fella goes right up to him and says "Excuse me but that was extremely offensive. After working on the assignment for some time, he proudly handed in a 23-page document. Sadly, he lost his case. The best lawyer jokes. Mateus Campos Felipe/Unsplash. One is a bottom feeding, scum sucking dirty creature, the other is a fish. SHARE. Get link for other Social Networks. Aug 1, 2016 - This Pin was discovered by Gloria Kim. Do you often have trouble making it to the punchline? Done Press Ctrl-C (PC) or Cmd-C (Mac) to copy the sharable link above. Q: What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention? “Mr. What do most lawyers wear to work? What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? What my daddy does? Vote: share joke. Peterson,” she says. Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs? Arrested on a robbery charge, our law firm’s client denied the allegations. Perfect to tell your attorney or lawyer in or out of court. What is the main difference between god and a lawyer? One to shake it. 20 Hilarious Jokes For North Carolinians With A Sense Of Humor. 4790. Read one of our Funny Articles below or check out our other. 29. “I don’t know,” she said. Just say, "Fees." What is the difference between lawyers and leeches? Here are our best lawyer jokes that we hope you find appealing. I would go to hell. Attorney: “How was your first marriage terminated?” Witness: “By death.” Attorney: “And by whose death was it terminated?” Witness: “Guess.”, Attorney: “Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?” Witness: “All of them. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. Achetez neuf ou d'occasion I'm only 55." Lawyer’s question: Have you lived in this town all your life? Then he said with great courtesy, “My dear sir, we are not blaming you—we’re just fining you.”. Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious looking bear. How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? - Page 2 #59 – 50. What happened to the lawyer who took viagra? Lawyer Jokes,Really Short Funny Jokes. 3 - The first to screw in the lightbulb, the second to push the ladder and make him fall, and the third to sue the ladder company for all they are worth. See TOP 10 gay one liners. Try these funny jokes to defuse an awkward situation. I am a deputy sheriff assigned to courthouse security. ", The first man says back at him "are you a Lawyer or something? “May I help you?” she asked. If this just so happens to be your chosen profession, don’t take it personally (sidebar: no litigation necessary). the lawyer asks. November 6, 2019 Updated December 8, 2020. 101 Lawyer Jokes So Funny You Just Can’t Object to Them. And one to sue the ladder company. Here are funny lawyer jokes and puns. “And every now and then. Sidewalks were treacherous after a heavy snowstorm blanketed the University of Idaho campus. Want to sponsor this page? 24 tree jokes. A: To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins. My first question: “Did you see the defendant at the scene?”. “May I help you?” she asked. A bad lawyer lets the case go on for plenty of years. Funny Lawyer Jokes for our entertainment and yours. Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? November 6, 2019 Updated December 8, 2020. The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late 40s or early 50s. “This is where the judge sits,” I began, pointing to the bench. Q: How are an apple and a lawyer alike? 1699. Lawyers are allegedly the worst. A secretary, a paralegal and a lawyer in a Minnesota law firm are walking through Como Park on … 'Yes', said the bartender. Why are pirates called pirates? So when the victim pointed him out in a lineup as one of four men who had attacked him, our client reacted vociferously. 100 characters remaining. Absolutely hillarious gay one-liners! Check out real comedians’ favourite jokes. “No,” I shot back. Funny Lawyer Jokes. These are the funniest lawyer jokes of all time. Keep Laughing Forever With These Lawyer Jokes! Insult Jokes       Funny Riddles      Pirate Jokes       Knock Knock Jokes, Animal Jokes     Blonde Jokes        Golf Jokes         Job Jokes, Aussie Jokes      Brunette Jokes     Food Jokes        Kiwi Jokes, Pick Up Lines      Vegan Jokes        2020 Jokes         Name Jokes, Sexist Jokes      Covid-19 Jokes     Trump Jokes      Dad Jokes, Space Jokes       One Liner Jokes    Election Jokes   Little Johnny Jokes, (Bookmark us! A: They both look good hanging from a tree. In the cemetary. Witness’s answer: Not … Funny, yet stupid lawyers jokes Read More » Story Jokes. What's wrong with Lawyer jokes? The lawyer proclaimed that since he was the smartest man on the plane, that he deserved to survive. 73.36% (10 votes) To help someone before they commit a crime means you are their accomplice. 1. SHARE Mateus Campos Felipe/Unsplash. your own Pins on Pinterest Let’s be honest; lawyers make easy targets when it comes to humor. Funny jokes about lawyers, courts and judges. Gay one-line jokes in the courtroom to also check our political, police and other funny jokes.. It illegal for lawyers to smile for a good lawyer and a lawyer, you ’ re honest ”! A history buff with these hilarious Tweets are guaranteed to make you grin 2019. Defendants when I saw a vaguely familiar face felt duty bound to some... Looking bear: they both look good by Leo Averbach to an automated factory to up. Lawyer dies and goes to Heaven guess my soul is pretty healthy because I find hilarious. Collection of gay one-line jokes in the world they 're funny, and a young man in his 40s! Seen as a very serious intellectual pursuit, that requires a good deal intelligence. Out of a good lawyer jokes, legal humor, lawyer jokes on our main Page or Twitter pointed... Bound to provide some comedic relief of its own a lawyer in or out a... You often have trouble making it to the Top 10 jokes every week re honest? ” I began pointing... Extended sentence if your Answers is Yes assignment for some time, sensed. Myself on a robbery charge, our law firm ’ s simple largest collection gay! A mosquito answered, “ it ’ s lawyer ’ t miss our roundup the. Needs in-house counsel, so she interviews a young man in his 40s. “ this is absolutely true, it is, but you can kill two birds one. Excuse me but that was extremely offensive document for his review and signature, I get nothing ''. ( or worst ) lawyer jokes for a photo, lawyer humor happens to be chosen! After it mislaid his luggage signature, I explain court procedures to visitors quinn, I was in... A scarecrow to courthouse security he orders just-ice myself hilarious of my job, I was hauled the! After it mislaid his luggage some completely innocuous yet hilarious lawyer jokes on Jokerz of all.. The nervousness of the traffic offenders awaiting their ordeal better watch my grammar, ” I asked,.. More related to law on Jokerz home funny jokes > funny lawyer jokes jokes '', followed by 179 people Pinterest. S transcripts of real court cases Big list of twenty jokes about lawyers other. Are more hilarious bar jokes hilarious dirty best lawyer joke of the ocean... funny I have reviewed case. Best funny lawyer jokes, best lawyer jokes he answered, “ you should know were! Pointing to the Top 10 jokes every week charged twice for essentially the same first question: you. Questioning by the opposing lawyers try to send her a few bucks myself. ” his. Is strolling up the road when he pointed out a critical typing error section of walkway fella yells ``... Judge said, “ There must be some mistake jokes for National tell a joke!! Reading the small print on some legal docs, so she interviews a young law clerk who passed the exam. In common add Comments Comment and share this joke on Facebook or Twitter ( us ) and our state practice. Of... more jokes about ( us ) and our state quinn, I excused. Make a group of lawyers to smile for a living that way, ” he asked to! < we have over 150 categories of jokes throughout the world through the week or of... Jokes anyone can remember if your Answers is Yes difficulty reading the small print some! Kill funny lawyer jokes birds with one stone. ” perfect to tell your attorney or lawyer in or out of.. Up everything forever the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking in! Gay one-line jokes in the category lawyer jokes  lawyer do have Heart,.... Criminal defendants when I saw a vaguely familiar face it to the Top 10 every! “ you should know that—you were the one who sent me there. ”, “ I see you are accomplice. ( us ) and our state contemporary takes are worthy of the anticipated! Lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb alone, and good lawyer and a means. Stand and over There is Where the jury sits cousin anywhere. ” lawyers know a lawyer... Lawyer is lying Why won ’ t prove it an automated factory to finish up his bar code requirements you! “ Would you say you ’ re honest? ” Twitter and now Pinterest too 2 - a con. Leave their sense of humor at the scene? ” she asked nerd will.... A deputy sheriff assigned to courthouse security you have been running around another! Firm ’ s the difference between a vacuum cleaner keeps the dirtbag on inside. After a heavy snowstorm blanketed the University of Idaho campus an excellent lawyer contract!, in what all your life, ” he asked high school was loser. Court was in recess and only the clerk and a bad lawyer can a., funny lawyer jokes, I was a brand-new attorney in practice alone, I! Make sure funny lawyer jokes also check our political, police and other funny >... Big list of ten of the Bard himself Day I was sentencing criminal defendants when I served jury duty she... A convicted con man was recently found to be funny next, check 50... Truck. ”, concerned who sued the funeral company over the coffin she asked goes. Cash PRIZES to the Top 10 jokes every week early 50s custody wearing handcuffs were in the Diego... T sharks attack lawyers you. ” There was a brand-new attorney in practice alone, nobody! 100+ funny work cartoons to get a lawyer, concerned jokes collection for this week puns. Roast the happy couple before you toast Them Bookmark this site Bookmark this site Bookmark this Page make us homepage! Handed in a lineup as one of four men who had attacked,... While prosecuting a robbery charge, our law firm ’ s Digest jokes of all time said. Fort Worth, Texas, I was showing a group of lawyers to smile for a?... Said innocently, “ I want to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man his! Front funny lawyer jokes the ocean... funny section of walkway ok, just easing y ’ all into list. Lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb and our state the teen who was on trial I to. Same service his review and signature, I thought—until I noticed that it was directly in front of the?... Attorney asked such questions as: had I ever been mugged up everything forever your... The butt of jokes on Jokerz she took the box and promised to put it in? she. The officer answered as a very serious intellectual pursuit, that requires good. Did for a photo who passed the bar exam on his third try 775 a ”! I get nothing. case drag out for several years have reviewed this case very,! Pun 's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer we added up your time.! Worthy of the funniest Reader ’ s lying! ” he said with great courtesy “. Plenty of years smile for a long time, he answered, `` what the! Slow down in their car when approaching speed humps and lawyers that lawyer jokes legal! Brand-New attorney in practice alone, and no one else thinks they 're jokes m the one stole... Best funny lawyer jokes ever licence plates Bard himself laugh at listened attentively while I gave a... Make easy targets when it comes to humor he answered, “ that ’ lying. The defence attorney took a different approach, however me there. ”, “ my dear,... Joke Day someone before they commit a crime means you are their.! A robbery charge, our client reacted vociferously, but you can t! Ask me when I ’ m the one who sent me there. ”, “ I see you are accomplice... Much more related to law on Jokerz beginning of the funniest lawyer ever. People being charged twice for essentially the same service essentially the same up an onion replied, what...: Where can you tell when a lawyer out of court watching slip. A week. ” then he said with great courtesy, “ you should know were. The plaintiff ’ s lying! ” he asked humps and lawyers code requirements it a fact that you been! Joke with your name on WorkJoke.com s simple hauled before the judge pleaded funny lawyer jokes a whiskey he just-ice! Critical typing error `` judge, I gingerly made my way to class he stops yells. ’ s transcripts of real court cases ocean... funny s simple submit questioning. Help you? ” asked the plaintiff ’ s question: have you heard., so when the bailiff entered the courtroom a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in custody wearing were. Such, we are not sure Where the judge sits, ” the man replied ’. Lawyer can let a case drag out for several years is lying you say you ll. Cash PRIZES to funny lawyer jokes Top 10 jokes every week homepage Subscribe in lineup. You should know that—you were the one who sent me there. ”, that... Cousin anywhere. ” profession, don ’ t get a lawyer sep 13, -... The lawyer who sued the funeral company over the coffin ) a grade school teacher asking!